YOUR FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT by Elizabeth Stix
Re-Birthing a New You Conference: Exit Survey
Name (optional): Spirit Rosenblatt
Please rate the following (space is provided for additional comments if desired):
Your overall experience at the Conference:
Poor/Fair/OK/Good/Excellent
First of all, thank you for allowing me to participate in this workshop. Thank you to Helen and Noah and all the generous facilitators. I had an excellent time. I don’t understand the difference between “fair” and “ok.”
The quality of your living accommodations:
Poor/Fair/OK/Good/Excellent
I stayed at the Playa Suites in the block of rooms set aside by the conference. It was good to have the camaraderie of the other participants. The room was clean. At times more privacy would have been helpful.
Which was your favorite seminar workshop, and why?
I found the “Tell Me What You Want” workshop most helpful. My partner was Grady from Alabama. We faced each other and repeated the question over and over. He said, “Tell me what you want.” And I said, “To be a world-class, recognized life coach.” He said, “Tell me what you want.” I said, “To write guest columns in life coaching magazines.” He said, “Tell me what you want.” I said, “To help people realize their dreams.” I recommend shortening this exercise because it is hard to face a stranger and answer this question repeatedly for an hour.
Interactions with the other participants:
Poor/Fair/OK/Good/Excellent
Well the people were of course very nice. We are all here to grow and that was an exhilarating thing for me to be around. It has been my dream for so long to come here and be a part of this community, so it meant everything to me to finally meet everyone. When I first walked in the lobby and saw everyone drinking and talking and laughing it was nearly overwhelming. I have to give myself compassion because the body needs time to adjust and you can’t just slide from one universe to another without some turbulence. As you know, I became quite ill. It may have been the shock to my system and it may have been a reaction to the alcohol, but I don’t remember anything that happened that first day after my arrival, which I spent mostly in my bed with fever and chills.
When I walked into the conference hall the next morning everyone seemed bonded from all the team-building exercises they had done while I was sleeping. They had their own little groups. During the break I saw them playing ping pong outside. They were screaming with laughter, and it was only ping pong! You can’t walk up to a table of people screaming like that and just join in. So I went across the street to Starbucks and couldn’t decide what to order, and finally settled on a macchiato, but the barista who made it wore a nametag that said TRAINEE and she forgot to add the foam. I saw Grady and he remembered me from the reception and he said, “Hey, girlfriend!” and I started to cry. He was very kind about it. He sat with me outside while I drank my macchiato. Then we sat together at the “Tell Me What You Want” workshop. I felt very connected to Grady after that. Everyone had sectioned off at that point and now I had my little group and every one else had theirs and that was the way it was going to be and that was fine, that worked out very well.
What have you learned at the workshop that you did not anticipate learning?
Well that Grady was attracted to me. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. I had talked to him like he was a girlfriend, baring every confidence and whatnot. We even held hands when we were outside after all that drinking and I thought that it was charming, because I have often wished that I had more male friends that I could do that with. I invited him into my room to eat the candy I had left in the mini-bar. We sat on my bed eating bite-sized Snickers and drinking Jim Beam from mini-bottles and giggling and Grady put his hand on my thigh. I thought, “Humans are so interesting. My leg is like a table to this man. Sometimes, a woman’s leg is like a credenza.”
Did the syllabus accurately reflect the workshop materials?
Grady and I spent the first several days together, and it was a comfort to have an ally in such an unfamiliar environment. He took to calling me Chippy, as I was always chipper, and he would give me a little poke in the ribs when he said it. I called him Ecks, or Eckie, though neither of us could remember how come. After we did the “Safe Falling” exercise with Karina and Paul, we started spending time with them as well. Karina and Paul knew each other from last year’s conference in New York. I regret to say that they would encourage us to leave the seminar at times to go out drinking, which I did not do but Grady did twice. It was good for me to have the empty seat beside me when he wasn’t there, because I focused more on what the instructors were saying. I was concerned for Grady but part of my task here is to understand where my boundaries end and another person’s begin. The lessons that are the most powerful are often the most painful to learn. And not every learning comes from the syllabus.
Mirror Communication
Poor/Fair/OK/Good/Excellent
At the “Mirror Communication Workshop,” we partnered with colleagues and shared our personal formation stories, mirroring each other’s gestures and mannerisms. My partner was Karina. She told me about the time her grandmother from Poland passed away. I told her the story of when I wet my pants during Brownies and had to wash my underwear in the classroom sink.
I listened to Karina’s story about her grandmother’s death in a focused and gentle way. But when it was my turn, I did not feel that Karina was equally nurturing. As soon as I began, I must have made some gesture with my hands because Karina mirrored me and folded up her hands by her cheeks and said, “When you do that, you look like a puppy dog.” She kept doing it every time I tried to make a point. She raised her hands like little paws, and said, “Oh, I love it.” She started sticking her tongue out and panting. She shared this afterwards in the group reflection and then it became kind of a thing, a way to greet me.
Mirror communication is a powerful tool to use with clients to explore their dreams in a caring environment. But you must take care to pair people with partners who are ready to go to that safe space.
Did you take part in the “Letting Go of Resentment” seminar? If so, in what ways did you value the experience?
I took part in the Resentment workshop. Helen had us make a list of everyone we were angry at. I wrote down Tara Galbanni, who told everyone I wet my pants in Brownies. I wrote down my neighbor, Kimberly, who calls the dog catcher when my dog is off-leash. I wrote down Fergus, who cheated on me, and not just one time. I listed Karina and Paul, and Grady, though only in my mind.
Helen said to make a new list and write down anybody on it we were not yet ready to forgive. I wrote down the same names. Helen just smiled and said, “You can call this list, ‘Where You Can Find My Power.’”
Okay. I get that. I do.
Did you participate in the Closing Maypole? What Appreciations were reflected back to you?
I participated in the Closing Maypole Event. I had never braided a Maypole before but when the whistle blew, I ran across to the other side of the pole with my streamer while everyone else did the same. We had to call out one thing we appreciated about the person we were running past. Since I did not know people well enough to say what I appreciated, I just smiled at them. I was opposite Paul, who wagged his tongue and called out, “Hi Wee-wee,” which was what Chippy had morphed into, I guess from what I said about Brownies, and from the opening reception I don’t remember, at which they say I did a lot of weeping.
What would you like the organizers to know so that we might improve on the conference for future participants?
Well you should know that Grady is sleeping with Karina. I guess I should have seen it coming. But how can you prepare for that? How can you aspire for the best in people and let your mind believe that they will do the worst? I can’t live like that. That night in my hotel room when I took off my shirt, Grady told me, “I’m going to remember the smile on your face right now for the rest of my life.” And last night I heard him running in the hallway with Karina and she was squealing, like he pinched her. Why would he be pinching her? Do they want me to hear them? These are questions they will have to answer for themselves.
Is there anything you would like us to know that was not addressed in this evaluation form?
This morning I went back to Starbucks to get a macchiato and the same girl was working, the one in training. The AC was broken and the place was hot and stuffy. Grady and Karina were behind me, whispering, and the line was out the door. The man at the register had a gift card that wouldn’t scan and it took forever. The girl dropped the card twice and had to call her manager. There wasn’t enough air for all of us to breathe.
When I got to the front of the line, her face was red and she was miserable. She asked me, “Do you know what you want?” Finally, the answer hit me. “I want you to forgive yourself,” I said. She just stared. “Can you do that for me?”
She just stared at me. Then she said Yes. Yes, she could.
Can you believe it? She said yes. She smiled, and looked me straight in the eye.
Elizabeth Stix has published stories in McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, Tin House, Los Angeles Times Magazine, and Best Microfiction 2019.